She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
