What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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