Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
