I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
