Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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