I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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