so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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