actually, I'm a sock model
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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