I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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