I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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