We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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