Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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