It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
