Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
