They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
