oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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