he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
