in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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