I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In America we eat man semen.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
