i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
