i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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