Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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