Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
