OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
