i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need a burrito and a hug.
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Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
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Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
send nudes
from the living room?
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