I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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