I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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