You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
