Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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