i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
honey bunches of taint.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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