paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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