wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
