Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
