yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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