did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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