Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
