I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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