Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
