We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
