Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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