My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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