that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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