i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
