: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
