hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
