I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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