my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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