I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
