I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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