im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
