Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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