Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
