We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
