I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
