Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
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The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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