There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
